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I've sat down to write this more than
once. I've brainstormed and mulled still don't have the words. So I
think I will just say what needs to be said.
On December 9, my daddy died. And to say our relationship was complicated is an understatement. And I got
quiet. I didn't have the words to say so I took a break from writing
in this space. I still don't have the words to say. I can't tell you
what I'm learning or exactly how I feel. I'm still processing and if
you know anything about grief, you know I may be in this season of
processing for a long time.
Our Christmas got stripped down to the
bare essentials. We didn't send out cards or decorate
elaborately. We put up a little potted tree and we made the decision
to forgo many of the things I thought, until this year, were
essential to Christmas. I have more to say about that. But again, I'm
still processing.
I also wanted to tell you that I'm
moving. To Texas. Houston to be exact. I'm leaving the city I love
for a city I don't know in a state that was never on my list. I
believe this is God's plan for us in this season even though I don't
necessarily like it or understand it. Something being right doesn't
necessarily make it easy. In fact it's often the opposite.
To be honest, I'm terrified. The idea
of moving to Texas in roughly four weeks make me want to throw up in
my mouth a little each time I stop and really think about it. And a cross
country move in this season or mourning? I will be honest and tell
you that this isn't the first time I've questioned whether or not God
know's what He's doing.
I've chosen a word of the year
(ironically it terrifies me a bit, too) and I have book lists, and
reviews, and encouragement, and thoughts I still want to share with
you. But for now I just wanted to tell you why I've been so quiet
here.
I don't know what's in store for me
this year or for this space but I thank you deeply for going on this
wild journey with me.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Joy. Relationships with our parents are never easy, are they? May the Holy Spirit hold you close as you process and grieve and especially as you make the move to a new city in a new state (Texas has never been on my list, either).
ReplyDeleteAnita, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your father's death. I can only imagine the whirlwind of emotions running around inside you. I will pray for you! I will also be praying as you & Jason prepare to move to Houston. What a chance! But, I know that you know if God is in this, He will sustain you and even cause you to blossom there! Be safe my friend!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your prayers, Teresa.
ReplyDeleteCame here to check on you... Four weeks is soon. I am in prayer for you and Jason. Love you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, friend.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the shaking up your whole life is the best way through the grief. Maybe that's why the move is happening as it is. Or maybe not, the most beautiful thing about this life is its uncertainties, but it's also the most terrifying. Whatever is in store, I'll be cheering for you back here in Florida. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Renia, for your kind words. They provide great perspective and I'm so thankful for your support.
ReplyDeleteJoy, I'm so sorry about your dad...and to move across country around the same time!! I'm praying for you. I know I haven't talked to you in so long, but I'm thinking of you and love you. You're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Jacqui! Would love to catch up sometime when life settles down.
ReplyDelete