You Are Already Enough: Tearing Down Your #LoveIdol

"What does it mean to know that I am preapproved? What does such truth hold for my life? It could seriously change everything." -Jennifer Dukes Lee 

I'd been doing it almost every day. As soon as my husband came home I'd wait for him to notice. Waiting isn't completely accurate. I'd give him mere seconds before I asked if he liked the home. Or take him on a field trip to see how sparkling the surfaces were or how neatly folded the laundry that sat on the couch was. I may have slayed dragons in a virtual board room that day or written something of beauty that directly connected with people's lives, but where I wanted his check mark of approval first was on our little home.

I'm not sure when exactly I started trying to earn the favor of others but I know it's been going on way to long. I was so sly in my efforts however that I kept my "work hard, get rewarded" strategy a secret from even myself for years.  As I have gained an accurate perspective of this mentality these last few years the  secret has started to unravel. 

And the more I learn the more I find that I'm not the only one. This is true for most of us and especially true for women. Our God-shaped hole that is made to be filled by the King of the Universe often finds us trying to fill it with anything but the only One that satisfies. 

 "The enemy prowls around like a lion stalking people on Wall Street, fashion runways, suburban cul-de-sacs, Facebook walls, and even gravel roads in rural Iowa...Our culture is hawking approval and it's a multibillion-dollar business." (Page 54)

It was months ago that I saw Jennifer Dukes Lee across the room at Allume. At conferences you tend to make assumptions about the people you're attending with. You decided who has it most together, who is most confident, and who is most accomplished in their writing achievements. I placed Jennifer fairly high on my list after over hearing she had a book deal. Little did I know her book would be about her struggle to stop making lists herself. To let go of her own need for approval and crush the Love Idol.

In Love Idol, Jennifer speaks as a fellow sister on the journey. She confronts the kind of topics that can make you squirm without sounding preachy. Time and time again she makes it clear that even as she learns more and more how to crush the Love Idol she will forever continue to be "in process."

That is great news for all of us that we can be "in process" and wildly adored. It blows mind mind that I can look for approval in all the wrong places on any given day and I am still 100% approved by God. 

If "you want to unchain yourself from your approval rating. You want to find deep contentment in who you are in Christ, not in what you do. You crave authentic joy in your life, based not on your gold-star performances, people's opinions of you, or the American Dream with its temporary trappings, but on an identity secured for you through a loving Savior." Then get your copy of Love Idol and join the movement of women smashing their Love Idols.

For some great free printables to remind you of your Preapproved status visit here.
  
Tyndale House Publishers provided me with a complimentary copy of this book but all opinions are my own.

Why You Need to Say "Yes, I'd Love Your Help," More Often (@MissionalWomen)

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It keeps happening. The people I regularly invite into my home keep asking me if they can help clean up after a big meal. Most typically they want to help with the dishes. As the consummate hostess it is within me to decline their help. I love to open my home, serve people, and cook for them. I've learned to embrace the realities of that: an overflowing sink, messy counter tops, and a dining table littered with reminders of time well spent.

I don't expect much when I welcome guests into my home. An invitation to dinner at my home is really an invitation to share stories. That's the best part of the meal. I take the full responsibility of cleaning up upon myself. It's a worthy trade-off to gather around the table with people and make memories. Lately however I've noticed a pattern in my guests. They don't want the night to end. But specifically there's more of their story they want to share, often privately. So the request to help wash my dishes is a façade. What they're really asking for is an invitation to linger...

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Close: #FiveMinuteFriday

Close is weird. It's this thing where I know you and you know me. Like, really know each other. How we talk about the real things going on in our hearts and lives. Layers and layers below the surface. I've helped you clean up your baby's puke before and you've held my hair back while I writhed on the bathroom floor.

Close is a man and wife in all their glory. Ideally knowing the most intimate parts of each other. All the most intimate parts.

But what happens when the closeness changes? If one of us pulls back? Or if someone moves deeper still and the other stays put? How do you fix relationships with history that should have never needed fixing?

This Life? Relationships? They're hard and messy. When to stay? When to go? And what I really want from my friendships are ladies who are willing to keep moving forward. Closer. Even when it gets messy. And it will get messy. And you will fail and be failed.

But if you want something real, something lasting then you have to keep pursuing closeness. Keep running hard. Keep going deeper.

Keep on moving close.

On Fridays I join a community of writers that encourages one another. You can join us here.