One of the biggest idols and sins that
true community brings out in me is a deep fear of man issue. I want to
be thought of as someone who is smart, insightful and has it all
together. When in a conversation with fellow believers I want to be the
one who speaks up when no one else knows what to say because I have the
inspired words that are just right for the moment. I want people to
see me as the guy who has all the answers.
The truth is that I often walk into small
group believing that if people could see my heart, my mind and the day I
just had at work that they would all avoid me like the plague. The
truth is that I want so badly to be thought of in a certain light that I
often hold back what is really going on in my heart and fail to be as
vulnerable as I desperately want. The truth is that I don’t want to be
seen as the weird Christian that I end up not saying “amen” during a
sermon when everything within me is screaming because of the beautiful
truth being proclaimed. The truth is that I often feel my legs shaking
during worship and I want to fall down in the middle of the aisle and
worship my God with my whole body but I am too afraid of what people
will think. The truth is that I often wipe away the tears too quickly
because I think it’s a sign of weakness.
Vulnerability in community, showing you
the real me, is absolutely terrifying while also being the most
intoxicating feeling I often experience. I want you to know the real
me, the Jason who can strip off his masks and show you the good, the bad
and the very ugly. I want to know and experience a safe community that
doesn’t avoid the hard things but reminds me of my standing in the
finished work of Christ; who exhorts me toward righteousness because the
same Spirit that raised Jesus from grave now lives in me.
I’m going to screw it up, and it’s going
to be messy, but I want to engage with the family of believers who are
experiencing the same joys and trials I am in a world full of hurt, pain
and suffering. Community as family is hard, but I think it’s worth it.
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